. . . It had been a Scandi noir cameo Only it turned out Librium Liz was in no fit state for anything.
Librium Liz appeared for a brief, silent cameo in the Commons as her captors, Jeremy Hunt and Penny Mordaunt, held court
"It was a very British coup. So polite that you could almost have missed it. So restrained that Liz Truss actually had to mastermind her own dismissal. If Librium Liz can be said to mastermind anything. It was like asking a death row inmate to administer their own lethal injection.
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But it was a coup nonetheless. There may have been no military berets, but we might as well have had a TV announcer saying: “We interrupt this programme to inform you that the United Kingdom has a new junta.
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“There is no need to panic, but we advise you, for your own safety, to remain indoors. What the country now needs is stable government. Liz Truss is not, I stress not, being held under house arrest. She is just being kept hidden for her own good. She hasn’t been gagged. She has just become an elective mute. And now a quick word from your new prime minister.”
Cut to Jeremy Hunt, draped in his own flags. The same Jeremy Hunt who had been a disaster as culture secretary. The same Jeremy Hunt who had taken the NHS to the brink while health secretary. The same Jeremy Hunt who had twice campaigned to be Tory party leader and had twice been rejected, most recently in the summer, when he had finished eighth out of eight with only 18 Conservative MPs thinking he was worth voting for.
Yet this new improved version of Jeremy Hunt was being paraded as a safe pair of hands. Despite the fact he had no experience of working in the Treasury. Then, he wasn’t just the new chancellor of the exchequer; he was the de facto prime minister. The new leader of our Brave New World. Truss was sidelined. Silenced. Only nominally in place. Just for as long as it took for her party to work out how best to dethrone her. You’d have thought they had regicide off pat by now. . .
[. ] Meanwhile, Labour were still worried about the state of the ex-prime minister. The prime minister formerly known as Liz. Was she OK? Was she being looked after? Did she need a human rights lawyer? By lunchtime, Keir Starmer was so concerned, he tabled an urgent question inviting Truss to come to the Commons to explain why she had felt the need to sack Kamikwasi rather than herself. And to give her life some meaning. Now her government’s whole ideology and purpose had been trashed, she was in a death spiral of existential despair.
Only it turned out Librium Liz was in no fit state for anything. She didn’t want to speak. She didn’t want to do anything. She was in a deeper layer of catatonia than ever before. Her captors had seen to that. And Penny Mordaunt was more than happy to answer the UQ on her behalf. In fact, she was desperate to. The coup might be well under way, but there is still jostling for position. Mordaunt is also keen to be seen as the next possible leader. And what better way of doing so than appearing to be loyal to Truss while gently ridiculing her?
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Posted: Sep 5, 2022
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