Panting, moaning and ‘pussy-gazing’: the couple who have sex on their podcast
"Lacey Haynes and Flynn Talbot want to improve the world’s love life – starting by doing it live on air in every episode
Lacey Haynes is a women’s “intuitive healer”, and guides couples in yoga-informed “elevated sex”. . .
[...] But it’s not the sex that’s the main event – it’s the talk. In each episode Haynes, 37, and Talbot, 40, discuss techniques and topics around sex and relationships, covering everything from overcoming rejection to the joys of cunnilingus; from rethinking orgasm as the ultimate goal to navigating intimacy with common conditions such as UTIs and premature ejaculation.
Their mission is to help coupled-up listeners have more fulfilling sex – and to transform nonexistent or perfunctory sexual experiences into something physically pleasurable, emotionally empowering and spiritually uplifting. From there, they believe, the sky is the limit: “elevated” sex can lead to better mental and physical health, and even a better career.
After all, it’s what happened to them. As they tell their listeners, their relationship started out “hot and heavy”, before “the sex died”, says Haynes. But rather than “living out the rest of our days like that”, they decided to invest in their sex life. It became a project that they worked on together, drawing influences from yoga and books on everything from diet and anatomy to politics and memoir.
It isn’t a podcast to listen to in public. You hear them pant, moan and direct each other to orgasm
The project eventually transformed their relationship and led them to start their own business, which offers private coaching, online courses and even retreats. . . Undoubtedly, some will be put off by their grandiose terms – they refer to themselves as visionaries – or uncensored language. Their response on the podcast has been to ask listeners not to overlook their whole message because of a few disagreeable words. Personally, I’d say the same logic applies to other parts of their work, where it gets too new age, or simply too much. For example, I can appreciate the anatomical similarities between the vocal cords and the vagina. But when they mention this on the podcast in relation to women being vocally expressive during sex, my alarm bells ring. . .
> I’m curious about the troubles straight men face with sex. “The majority of men are lost in the bedroom. They know how to penetrate but they don’t know how to connect,” says Talbot. “Men have, for generations, been conditioned to suppress their emotions. And yet truly expressed emotions and vulnerability are the route to a deep connection with women.
“Not knowing how to harness the power of expression puts men at a great disadvantage, in and out of the bedroom. It’s why many men live with deep frustration and anger that’s close to the surface every day. . .
THE END
Tips for great sex
1. Communication is key
Before achieving soulful and carefree sex that involves communicating with nonverbal cues, you need to get comfortable with saying if something is a turn-on, a turn-off, triggering or painful.
2. Don’t take it personally …
… if you’re playing with your partner and they don’t enjoy it, say, “Sorry, someone else found that enjoyable. What do you find enjoyable?” Haynes says. Talbot says men need to know that “talking about sex doesn’t make you a bad lover”.
3. Discuss your sexual past
Often, current sexual issues are a result of past experiences, traumas or narratives.
4. Use more of your body
Rather than just jackhammering away, with all movement coming from the hips, Talbot suggests connecting torsos and hearts. “Be like two serpents writhing together.” Use controlled breathing to slow the rushes of feeling and prolong the experience, moving focus to other parts of your body.
5. Rewrite your power script
Haynes says that the narrative where the man holds all the power may contribute to women’s dissatisfaction with penetrative sex. But there is power in letting go and allowing someone in, emotionally and physically. That’s what soulful sex is all about."
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