Trumpsclusive! Presenting: MAGAzine! The Official Lifestyle Publication and Policy Journal of Your Once and Future Favorite President

 

Ivanka, Youvanka

Princess Diary

A typical day with Ivanka Trump—wife, mom, fashion icon … perfectly happy Florida exile … defendant … Let her show you how to have it all!

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Ab Fabulist

My House Is a Very, Very Nice House (Where I Really Live)

At home with MAGA’s most intriguing new star

By   George Santos

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“Welcome to Long Island, MAGAzine readers! This is the lavish North Shore mansion I share with my husband, Brad Pitt. My great-grandfather F. Scott Fitzgerald used it as the setting for his classic American novel about wealth creation—which the Woke Mob probably wants to cancel!”

“Darn! There seems to be a problem with the front door. I’ll tell my husband, Michael B. Jordan, to have our staff look into it. Thanks to Joe Biden’s failed economic policies, it’s awfully hard to find a good majordomo these days!”

“Fortunately, my mother—a Nobel Prize–winning economist who fought off the hijackers on United 93 before dying 15 years later from her many wounds—taught me to be resourceful!”

“The Radical-Left Media keeps attacking my background, but I’m proud of my multi-ethnic family. Here’s a photo of my Jewish grandparents helping Barbra Streisand and Golda Meir escape the Holocaust. And that’s me as a kid at the beach with my older sister, Beyoncé.”

“Color me surprised! I just got a text from Speaker Kevin McCarthy—mentor and, more important, friend—saying I’m needed on the House floor A.S.A.P. for an important vote. This must be my Capitol Police V.I.P. escort!”

“Apologies for cutting our visit short, but such is the life of a can-do freshman representative/financial wizard/top underwear model. Spare a thought for my husband, Timothée Chalamet, who will be dining alone tonight—again!”

Non-Woke Wellness

The Best You Is Yet to Come!

You’ve heard of hot yoga—now try LOUD yoga!

By   Kimberly Guilfoyle

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America’s Wackiest Pastime Just Got Even Wackier!

Dear editor of MAGAzine:

I was filled with __________________ (SNOWFLAKY EMOTION) after reading your viciously anti-__________________ (CRAZY THING LIBS CARE ABOUT) publication.

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GQ-Anon

Show a Little Sleeve This Spring!

Style for the MAGA man

By   Jim Jordan

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Seriously, We Dare You

Ask Melania

Pearls of wisdom from the world’s kindest, most empathetic, and not at all checked-out advice columnist

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