Beauty culture conditions us to believe that if we don’t have this, we at least have to have that. So we negotiate
Ask Ugly: all of the ‘iffy’ comments about my gray hair bother me.
Wed 18 Sep 2024 08.00
Hey Ugly,
Tired of a two-to-three hour, $100 hair appointment every three to four weeks, I stopped covering my gray with dark brown dye. Two years (and many hats and headbands) later, it is finally grown in: shoulder-length silver. My amazing teen daughter was my main encouragement during my weakest days – she loves it.
I’m 53 (I started going gray in my 20s) and I like my face, but the comments from people I haven’t seen in a while can really derail my fragile conviction that my hair is – and I am – beautiful no matter the color. It made me realize how much I relied on outside feedback for confidence, which sucks, but is still a deep-rooted (pardon the pun) belief. One “Oh, but you looked so much younger/prettier/less tired when it was dark” from my son’s former baseball coach or a neighbor can really have me pondering a new dye job. It doesn’t help that I’m divorced with no dating prospects and have put on some weight.
I guess it’s a battle. I’m ditching outside approval, yet I miss it at times – and I’m looking for some reassurance, I guess. . ."
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