25 September 2024

LETTING SILVER TAKE OVER

Beauty culture conditions us to believe that if we don’t have this, we at least have to have that. So we negotiate

Ask Ugly: all of the ‘iffy’ comments about my gray hair bother me. 
Should I start dyeing it again?
Ask Ugly: all of the 'iffy' comments about my gray hair bother me. Should I start  dyeing it again? | Well actually | The Guardian
In her monthly column about beauty culture, our columnist talks about our desire for ‘outside approval’ and letting silver take over
Wed 18 Sep 2024 08.00


Hey Ugly,

Tired of a two-to-three hour, $100 hair appointment every three to four weeks, I stopped covering my gray with dark brown dye. Two years (and many hats and headbands) later, it is finally grown in: shoulder-length silver. My amazing teen daughter was my main encouragement during my weakest days – she loves it.

I’m 53 (I started going gray in my 20s) and I like my face, but the comments from people I haven’t seen in a while can really derail my fragile conviction that my hair is – and I am – beautiful no matter the color. It made me realize how much I relied on outside feedback for confidence, which sucks, but is still a deep-rooted (pardon the pun) belief. One “Oh, but you looked so much younger/prettier/less tired when it was dark” from my son’s former baseball coach or a neighbor can really have me pondering a new dye job. It doesn’t help that I’m divorced with no dating prospects and have put on some weight.

I guess it’s a battle. I’m ditching outside approval, yet I miss it at times – and I’m looking for some reassurance, I guess. . ."

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