“ALL Are Alike Unto God” | No Revelation > Finding The Right Path?

Last year on March 19, 2017 Bryce Cook published a new comprehensive essay on the church’s stance toward LGBT members. Bryce Cook is a founding member of ALL (Arizona LDS LGBT) Friends & Family and a co-director of the annual “ALL Are Alike Unto God” Conference held every April in Mesa, Arizona.
He is married to Sara Spencer Cook and together they have six children, two of whom are gay. Since their oldest son came out publicly in 2012, Bryce and Sara have become public allies for LGBT people in and out of the church.
The essay is a long but fascinating read.
(Read so strong points taken from the article by Angela C below)
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"The longer this change is in coming, the more people we will lose – not just gay people, but increasingly their family members, their friends and other sympathetic members of the church, particularly younger people, who do not see same-sex marriage as a threat to society or a sin against God. And unlike black people who had the choice of not joining the church during the priesthood/temple ban, gay babies are born into the church every day and at increasing numbers as the church grows. Their departure – along with their families and those who care about them – ultimately harms us as a church more than it does them. It leaves a gaping wound in our church, the body of Christ. And sadly it is our doctrine, not their weak character or lack of spirituality, that is pushing them out.
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LGBT Questions: An Essay
https://bycommonconsent.com

History
The essay begins with an overview of the historical statements by various church leaders on the topic of homosexuality. It is easy to demonstrate that positions have changed dramatically as time has increased understanding of homosexuality. He demonstrates clear shifts in the following:

• Is it a choice?
• What causes homosexuality?
• Is it curable?
• Difference between being homosexual and ‘acting on it.’

Pew Surveys showed that Mormons were becoming more accepting of gay people, a 50% increase in acceptance of homosexuality (from 24% to 36% in 7 years), and at the same time, gay marriage was becoming legal. As a result, the church began to retrench on its positive positions toward homosexuality and our LGBT members. This retrenchment culminated in the Nov. 5 policy to exclude children of gay-married parents from ordinances and to consider any gay-married church members as “apostates” and adding to the psychological pressure faced by LGBT members.
Cook continues by enumerating other areas of change the church has embraced in contrast to earlier held positions . . .
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The rest of the essay pivots on two premises:
1. Being gay is not a choice
2. Homosexuals are just as capable as heterosexuals of forming committed, love-based relationships with a person they are naturally attracted to.
Cook asks that the reader who doesn’t personally know many gay people or hasn’t talked with them about their own experience suspend their ignorance long enough to read the remainder of the essay, which includes many first hand accounts from Mormons who are also gay. His focus is on those who are fully homosexual as opposed to bisexual or transgender
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DOCTRINE
The next section discusses the doctrinal origins of the church’s stance. There is very little in canonized scripture that refers to the modern love-based same-sex relationships developing in our day. Cook explains the context and beliefs behind existing scriptures that do prohibit homosexual behavior.
Modern day teachings on homosexuality are next reviewed, although they are more focused on describing heteronormative relationships, not on discussing those cases in which individuals are attracted to someone of the same sex. Because these documents don’t speak to the homosexual experience except implying it is not “normal” (or the heterosexual norm described), Cook asks if we are certain that we understand God’s will on this subject. Have we sought revelation from the perspective of a gay person or just from a set of assumptions as heterosexuals who believe heterosexual unions are the only way to protect society? He also talks about the oddity of prescribing celibacy, a requirement that the church has often decried in other churches.
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Speaking of the old adage from Proverbs 29:18 that “where there is no vision, the people perish,” Cook talks about the lack of vision for homosexuals that has contributed to suicides in the LGBT community.
Cook reviews the church’s main arguments against same-sex marriage:

• Procreation argument
• Complementarianism argument
• Families & Children Argument

Cook mentioned one other important callout, the claim made by E. Wickman in a 2006 interview that homosexuality did not exist in pre-earth life and will not exist after we die. While this may give straight people some comfort that the unfairness in this life doled out to homosexuals is temporary, it can foster suicidal thoughts in homosexuals who believe that they would be better if only their earthly trial would end. This is certainly not an outcome the church should be encouraging, even accidentally through feel-good speculation.
> Cook ends the discussion on doctrine with some valuable questions about how certain we are about God’s will:
Is our certainty so strong that we can accept the consequences of our statements on the gay community?
Or are we speculating on the basis of traditions and biases that we will later regret as we have with other issues?
Cook encourages all of us to follow Pres. Kimball’s example in questioning our own motives and biases in defending positions that harm LGBT church members.
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MORAL BASIS
Cook observes that many of the opponents of LGBT rights focus solely on the sexual aspects of their relationships, not on the loving aspects, and as he points out, it would be equally unfair to judge heterosexual relationships in this way, and yet we manage to avoid that.
He also cautions readers to avoid assuming their instincts and revulsion about homosexual sex are morally right. __________________________________________________________________________________
EMPIRICAL BASIS
This section talks about the fruits of our policies toward gay church members.
Cook goes on to describe his own experience with gay church members, having two sons who are gay, and helping to found an LDS LGBT support group with over 500 members. He also actively participates in Affirmation, the oldest and largest LDS LGBT organization. His oldest son came out 13 years ago, and he has met and knows personally hundreds of LGBT people.

Cook shares the observed fruits of the church’s stance for gay youth:

Early stages (acknowledging being gay/same-sex attracted)

• Extreme guilt and self-loathing (even when living church standards)
• Depression and despair with occasional suicidal thoughts
• Extreme religiosity and scrupulosity (perfectionism and unhealthy obsession with righteous living and rule keeping in hopes of changing or proving worthiness)

Later stages (realizing sexual orientation isn’t changing)

• Periods of depression and despair with suicidal thoughts, sometimes leading to suicide
• Social/emotional detachment, inability to form relationships with others
• Stagnation, apathy, hopelessness
• Overcompensation, perfectionism, overachievement
• Obsessive/compulsive behavior associated with pornography and masturbation made worse by feelings of shame, worthlessness and hopelessness
• Living in a perpetual cycle of shame trying to suppress innate sexuality and live according to the church’s standards but always falling short (periodic hookups, pornography, etc.)
• Loss of faith, anger and bitterness against the church and God
• Vast majority leave the church to preserve emotional and mental health

One of the most powerful aspects to the essay is what follows, a sharing of the personal stories of many LDS LGBT individuals. If you don’t know many gay Mormons yourself, reading these stories will help you to understand their experience in a more profound way.